1.雪天
贾浅浅
我们一起去尿尿,
你,尿了一条线,
我,尿了一个坑。
该诗简洁明了,旨在反响男女二人相约在雪地尿尿的情景,但愿这二人属于“青梅竹马,两小无猜”的关系!
倘若原作之意真是如此,译文自当屈服“言贵简洁/Brevity is the soul of wit”原则,仿照儿童口吻对其进行说话(如wee/thee),仅供参考:
On a Snowy Day
We two made a wee:
Hence a line by thee,
And a puddle by me.
不过,我们倒是更推崇如下这则古诗。请看:
2.咏雪
傅察
都城旬日雪,庭户皓已盈。
呼儿试轻扫,留伴小窗明。
该诗的作者傅察(1090-1126),宋代墨客。他爱雪,不忍其被彻底打消,故让小儿轻扫,以便这雪能陪伴其窗前,感想熏染其通亮。海内某翻译大师将其处理如下:
Snow
Fu Cha
Here it has snowed from day to day;
My courtyard is all over white.
My son, do not sweep snow away!
For it will keep my window bright!
再三品味,我们可谓喜好有加,但觉以from day to day对译“旬日”,彷佛有悖原意,彷佛那场雪下得没完没了(果真如此,恐怕作者难有“试轻扫/留窗明”雅兴);此外,My son, do not sweep snow away彷佛是“不扫”,而非“轻扫”之意。见此,我们欲作微调,如:
The snow has lasted a tenth day,
All over my courtyard is white.
My boy, don’t clear it all away,
So as to get my window bright.
为使译文尽显原诗的言简意赅特色,如下试译做了三方面的努力,一是弃abab韵而从aabb;二是将每行8个音节各压缩2个;三是刻意确保每行英文跟原诗一样“可不雅观”。此举恰当与否,或反响出原文之“意趣”,自然是读者说了算:
It’s snowed ten days so hard,
All white gets my courtyard!
“Dear boy, do sweep it light,
So my window stays bright.”