李清照诗词的英译面临的寻衅不少，由于她的诗词多为思念与愁怨，倾诉的工具也多为梅花，而且不少情景和表达办法都有交集，因此，不但译者跟译者之间的译文难免有不少的“撞脸”，译者本人的译文之间也难避开“似曾相似”。但不管若何，李清照的诗词作为中华精良文化的一部分，任何翻译考试测验都是值得的。
“程译”紧张以许渊冲师长西席翻译的60首李清照诗词（收录在2003年北京大学出版社出版的《文学与翻译》里的1998年的"谈李清照词英译"）为参照而进行的“程译”。许老作为中国翻译界泰斗, 他在翻译实践和翻译理论方面都给后人留下许多宝贵的财富和启迪, 在中国古诗词翻译方面的造诣更是令人敬佩, 留下了很多精彩和经典。当然, 诗歌翻译有失落有得, 没有最好, 只有更好, 这给后人供应更多的改进和提高空间, 同时也能触发不同的翻译理念和翻译风格。“程译”的紧张特点是:
1、在改进和提高方面, 紧张针对原文, 利用当代网络的上风对原意的理解做了更多的求证, 纠正了“许译”本中涌现的一些明显的理解和处理上的偏差。当然, 属于"诗无达诂"的问题另当别论。
2、在许老的"三美论（音美、形美、意美）"根本上, 增加了"情美（情绪美）", 即变为"四美"。而"四美"中优先考虑的是"情美"。“程译”紧张通过想象的合理延伸、语句和语气的处理、选词用字、以形象代替抽象、以动代静、音韵的传染、修辞手腕和整体情调的呼应等手段再加上意象和情景的相应的细腻和生动诠释来实现"情美"。“情绪翻译”是文学翻译的焦点，文学翻译“最根本的任务便是译‘情’，或者叫做‘情绪移植’，离开这一点，就根本谈不上文学翻译”。（许钧，1998）
3、与唐诗不同的是, 宋词的音乐感更强, 它冲破了唐诗整洁句法格式, 虽增损字句, 但其韵更具悠扬, 轻灵跳脱, 情意缠绵, 吟诵起来更荡气回肠, 如不一口气读完, 则有不畅感。因此, 同一行词句"可分隔但不可断气", 而断句就意味着"断气", 李清照诸多多愁善感的诗词更是如此。我们认为, 把一行诗词断成更小的诗行, 很随意马虎造成"顺口溜"的觉得, 不但会危害原词的形美, 更会侵害词的气韵和情绪。“程译”对一句诗句的翻译多保留与原文"隔而不断"的对应形式, 以保留宋词原有的形美和气韵美。
4、英语的分词状语, 形容词词组状语和独立主格状语的句法构造更适宜宋词"隔而不断"的句子表达办法, 也能更好地表达宋词一个句子里意群之间的语意关系。因此, “程译”更看重这类句式的运用。
5、由于词牌与词的意义关系不大, 而且没有统一规范的译法, 随意马虎给读者造成误解。以是“程译”均采取音译加汉语办法, 以便感兴趣的读者考证。许老的译文，除了个别有标题外，其他都只用了词牌，这有可能会误导读者对整首诗词的理解。以是“程译”除了用词牌外，都加上了相应的标题。
6、为了视觉，语气和语韵的自然和流畅，也考虑到当代人的品味，“程译”避免采取古英语和也避免词的中间字母的省略形式（除了谓语动词的助动词和not之外）。
在每一首诗词翻译后面，我们都作了简要的“比较点评”，着重针对“许译”和“程译”在一些紧张问题和焦点上进行比较，也进一步解释“程译”在一些处理上的考虑。“比较点评”不求面面俱到，只求磋商互换和抛砖引玉。
二、 “许译”与“程译”比较点评
（注：版面有限，本文不便直接转载许渊冲的译文，请到该网页https://zhuanlan.zhihu.com/p/478552754 查看对照，顺序不变。）
（1）点绛唇●蹴罢秋千
蹴罢秋千, 起来慵整纤纤手。
露浓花瘦, 薄汗轻衣透。
见有人来, 袜刬金钗溜。
和羞走, 倚门回顾, 却把青梅嗅。
“程译”:
Tune of Dianjiangchun(点绛唇): Getting Off The Swing
Getting off the swing, her own slender hands she slackly stroked;
Thick dew hanging from the thin flower, the silk dress her sweat slightly soaked.
Seeing someone coming, she shied away only in socks, and off her gold hairpin fell;
Leaning at the door but looking back, the mume flowers she pretended to smell.
比较点评：
从整首词译来看，“许译”用了较多的断句分行，更多的是考虑押韵；“程译”基本上保持了原作的呈现形式以转达原作的形美、气韵美和情绪美。在细节方面，在“慵整纤纤手”的理解上，“许译”用的是“too tired to clean her hands”，而“程译”则用“her own slender hands she slackly stroked”，我们考虑，原词所描写的少女的羞涩和纯美紧张表示在她的一举一动，而她“慵
（2）如梦令●昨夜雨疏风骤
昨夜雨疏风骤, 浓睡不消残酒。
试问卷帘人, 却道海棠依旧。
知否？知否？应是绿肥红瘦。
“程译”:
Tune of Rumengling(如梦令): Last Night
Last night the rain drizzled but the wind roared far and near,
And the tipsiness my deep sleep failed to clear.
Asking the maid rolling up the curtain,
I hear: "The begonias look the same for certain."
"Don't you see? Don't you see?" I utter,
"The leaves flourish but the flowers wither!"
比较点评：
对原文里的“风骤”，“程译”采取了“wind roared”的拟人手腕，更凸显狂风对海棠的无情摧残，衬托墨客对花的担忧和强烈的情绪。对“知否？知否？”的处理，我们认为“don't you know?”语气过重，而且打开窗帘为的是视觉，以是“程译”用了“Don't you see?”。在许译的“The red should languish and the green must grow”中，languish的拟人手腕技高一筹。
（3）怨王孙●赏荷
湖上风来波浩渺, 秋已暮, 红稀喷鼻香少。
水光山色与人亲, 说不尽无穷好。
莲子已成荷叶老, 清露洗, 苹花汀草。
眠沙鸥鹭不转头, 似也恨人归早。
“程译”:
Tune of Yuanwangsun(怨王孙): On The Lake
Kissing the lake gently, the breezes make endless ripples and rolls of jade;
The late autumn falls, when flowers wither and fragrances fade.
Rivers and hills melting deep into my heart,
What an infinitely wonderful world of God's art.
The lotus leaves are aging, and getting old are the seeds;
The fresh dew cleanses the grass flowers and water weeds.
Gulls and herons lying on the sands wouldn't look back vainly,
Seemingly hating to see people leave too early.
比较点评：
“程译”用“Kissing the lake gently”的拟人手腕，使breeze更有诗意，而且与后面的“水光山色与人亲”遥相呼应，凸显人与自然的和谐。在处理“水光山色与人亲”时，“许译”用“But mountains mirrored in water become my friend”有其独特的魅力；“程译”用“Rivers and hills melting deep into my heart”使人与自然之间的亲情拉得更近。
（4）减字木兰花
卖花担上, 买得一枝春欲放。
泪染轻匀, 犹带彤霞晓露痕。
怕郎猜道, 奴面不如花面好。
云鬓斜簪, 徒要教郎比并看。
“程译”:
Tune of Mulanhua(减字木兰花): A Flower
From a flower seller, I've bought one ready for its spring show;
Dotted with tears of the morning dew, it bears rosy glow.
I pin it slanting in my hair for my dear to compare,
Lest he might think, as the flower my face looks not so fair.
比较点评：
“程译”保留了原文一气呵成的语气和语句。在处理“怕郎猜道”的“郎”时，“许译”用了“my lord”，无形中疏远了夫妻之间的间隔，与“郎”也不太对应。“程译”则用“my dear”，这样大概更能表示当时夫妻的关系和妻子对丈夫的情绪。
（5）一剪梅
红藕喷鼻香残玉簟秋。轻解罗裳, 独上兰舟。
云中谁寄锦书来？雁字回时, 月满西楼。
花自飘零水自流。一种相思, 两处闲愁。
此情无计可肃清, 才下眉头, 却上心头。
“程译”:
Tune of Yijianmei(一剪梅): A Plum Flower
Pink lotus fragrance fading, the jade-like mat of bamboo does autumn chill;
Having unfastened my silk robe, alone I get on the orchid boat lying still.
Bring me love letters from clouds, who will?
When wild geese fly back for the night,
My bower has been drowned in the moon light.
Flowers fall, when water flows,
The same moon brings us two far apart more woes.
This sorrow, however I dispel, away it never goes;
Just sinking down from my brow,
It comes up again to my heart now.
比较点评：
“许译”把“西楼”译为“bower’s gate”值得商榷，“程译”采取的是“My bower”，这大概与当时的意境更贴切，而且用“drowned in the moon light”才能把“月满西楼”的“满”表达出来。针对“云中谁寄锦书来？”，“许译”用了“Who in the cloud would bring me letters in brocade?”，经查“锦书”在古代最初是指写在在锦缎上的文句，后泛指华美的书信或情书，显然“letters in brocade”是一种误解。而“程译”用的是“Bring me love letters from clouds, who will?”，大概更贴近原意。
全词翻译的焦点集中在“才下眉头, 却上心头”，“许译”用了“From eyebrows kept apart, Again it gnaws my heart.”，挺有玩味，情美，意美，音也美。“程译”用“Just sinking down from my brow, It comes up again to my heart now.”，字面上更贴近原文。
（6）醉花阴
薄雾浓云愁永昼, 瑞脑销金兽。
佳节又重阳, 玉枕纱橱, 半夜凉初透。
东篱把酒薄暮后, 有暗香盈袖。
莫道不消魂, 帘卷西风, 人比黄花瘦！
“程译”：
Tune of Zuihuayin(醉花阴): Thin Mist And Heavy Clouds
Thin mist and heavy clouds gloom the endless day;
From a gold beast censer curls up smoke green and gray.
Double Ninth Day comes again in the same way;
Chilled by the midnight in descent,
I lie on the cold jade pillow inside the gauze tent.
Drinking at dusk amid chrysanthemums sticking out of leaves,
I feel fragrance permeating both of my sleeves.
Don't say it doesn't bring me anxieties and grieves;
West wind rolling up the curtain at this hour,
You’ll find me more haggard than a yellow flower!
比较点评：
对“金兽”一词，“许译”用的是“golden censer”，而“程译”用的是“gold beast censer”。墨客用的“兽”也是为了渲染世间的无情和冷漠，因此不可或缺。“许译”把“东篱把酒薄暮后”译为“At dusk I drink before chrysanthemums in bloom”，表达简洁真切。“程译”译为“Drinking at dusk amid chrysanthemums sticking out of their leaves”，后面的“sticking out of leaves”彷佛多此一举，但也是一种合理的遐想和押韵的须要，同时也能表示菊花那种挺立坚毅的崇高风致。其余在“chrysanthemums”前用“amid”大概画面更生动，给读者更丰富的想象空间。针对“人比黄花瘦”的“瘦”，“许译”用“thin”，“程译”用“haggard”, 我们认为这里的“瘦”该当是干瘪。
（7）凤凰台上忆吹箫·喷鼻香冷金猊
喷鼻香冷金猊，被翻红浪，起来慵自梳头。
任宝奁尘满，日上帘钩。
恐怕离怀别苦，多少事欲说还休。
新来瘦，非干病酒，不是悲秋。
休休！
这回去也，千万遍阳关，也则难留。
念武陵人远，烟锁秦楼。
惟有楼前流水，应念我终日凝眸。
凝眸处，从今又添一段新愁。
“程译”：
Tune of Fenghuangtaishangyichuixiao(凤凰台上忆吹箫)：Incense Sleeping in Ash Dead
Incense sleeping in ash dead, quilt lying in waves red, getting up weary I don’t come my hair,
Leaving the fine dresser covered with dust, and the sun hanging on the hook of the curtain.
Fearing the parting pain, I have to bite back all I want to share;
Lately I grow thin, not because of drinking, nor because of the sad autumn, for certain.
Well, let it be! Now singing the parting song even thousands of times can't make you stay.
Oh, far away you’ll be, alone I'll wait in the misted bower with more grief and concern,
Only the flowing water in front can understand me gazing afar all day.
Hence, when looking far, new sorrow will double my yearning for your return.
比较点评：
这首词的“许译”整体上很有灵气，特殊是末了两行的译文“From now on where I gaze all day long with a vacant stare，A new grief will grow there.”尤为真切。但“非干病酒”译为“I'm sick with wine”恐怕欠妥，由于“sick with...”多为“患...病”，以是“程译”采取了“not because of drinking”；其余“许译”把“休休！
”译为“Be done, be done!”，意思和语气与原文都有一定的差距，“程译”用了“Well, let it be! ”大概更好。
（8）小重山
春到长门春草青, 红梅些子破, 未开匀。
碧云笼碾玉成尘, 留晓梦, 惊破一瓯春。
花影压重门, 疏帘铺淡月, 好薄暮。
二年三度负东君, 归来也, 着意过今春！
“程译”：
Tune of Xiaochongshan(小重山)：Spring
Spring knocking at the lonely palace gate with grass green, plum blossoms begin to bloom, not all evenly open to be seen.
Green ball of tea ground into dust of jade, still indulged in dream at dawn, I have a sip, startling that cup of spring scene.
On all doors flower shadows heavily fall, what a dusk with moonlight flowing through the curtain sparse and tall,
Letting down Spring King three times in two years, do come back, my dear, for the sake of spring’s call!
比较点评：
对“春到长门”，“许译”用的是“Spring comes to my long gate”, 如果没有附注，随意马虎使人费解，“程译”用“Spring knocking at the gate of the lonely palace”大概更好，其余“Spring knocking”拟人表达手腕更形象生动；“许译”把“惊破一瓯春”译为“From morning dream have woke me up”是一种误解，“woke”在此应为“woken或waked”。原文表达的意思该当是：惊破了一杯碧绿的春景。因此，“程译”采取了“startling that cup of spring scene”；为了押韵“许译”用了“this delight unalloyed”，“unalloyed”也有多此一举之嫌；对“东君”的翻译，“许译”用的是“spring”, “程译”用的是一种归化的译法“Spring King”，保留了原文的含义和拟人手腕。
（9）鹧鸪天
枝上流莺和泪闻, 新啼痕间旧啼痕。
一春鱼雁无, 千里关山劳梦魂。
无一语, 对芳樽, 安排肠断到薄暮。
甫能炙得灯儿了, 雨打梨花深闭门。
“程译”：
Tune of Zhegutian(鹧鸪天): Orioles In The Trees Merrily Sing
Orioles in the trees merrily sing,
New tears streaming down my face mixed with the old strings.
Neither fish nor wild geese bring me any news the whole spring,
For thousands of miles over mountains to see him my dreaming soul wings.
Silent, lonely before the goblet, I sit awake;
From morning to dusk my heart does break.
The lamp burnt out during the night lonesome,
Outside the closed door, the rain lashes on the pear blossom.
比较点评：
就“千里关山劳梦魂”，“许译”用“How can my dreaming soul go miles on miles o' er mountains?”，个中“soul go”既为了拟人，也为了内韵，因此一石二鸟。“程译”则用“For thousands of miles over mountains to see him my dreaming soul wings. ”，个中“soul wings”把灵魂比作一只会飞的鸟，这更符合人们的遐想习气，比喻大概更为形象。“许译”把“雨打梨花”译为“The rain beats on pear flowers”，意韵比较平淡，而“程译”则译为“the rain lashes on the pear blossom”，个中的“lashes”把雨丝比作鞭子，想象更为丰富，更能表示墨客那时的强烈情绪，也彰显了诗译的“情美”。
（10）蝶恋花,
暖雨晴风初破冻, 柳眼梅腮, 已觉春心动。
酒意诗情谁与共？泪融残粉花钿重。
乍试夹衫金缕缝, 山枕斜倚, 枕损钗头凤。
独抱浓愁无好梦, 更阑犹剪灯花弄。
“程译”：
Tune of Dielianhua(蝶恋花): Warm Rain And Gentle Breeze
Unfreezing the ice are warm drizzles and gentle breeze;
My heart beats for the blooming plum flowers and sprouting willow trees
Who will share with me the wine and the poetic sentiment?
Tears melt the residual face powder, and getting heavier is my face ornament.
Trying on the blouse sewed with gold threads along the seams,
I lean slothfully on the pillow, crushing my hairpin flowers.
Hugging alone the deep sorrow with bad dreams,
Late at night I scissor the lampwick to kill the painful hours.
比较点评：
“程译”的“Unfreezing the ice are warm drizzles and gentle breeze; My heart beats for the blooming plum flowers and sprouting willow trees”情美、意美、音美；许老对“shower”一词情有独钟，它在他的诗词翻译中涌现的频率较高。在译“暖雨晴风”时，许老把“暖雨”译成了“warm showers”，而“warm shower”在英语中多意为“温水澡”，人们对“暖雨晴风”的美好遐想更多的该当是“和风小雨”，以是“shower”可能会危害原诗的美感；“程译”用的“Warm drizzles”大概更为贴切，情绪更细腻；对付“花钿”的翻译，“许译”用了“hairpin”，这是对该词的误读。“程译”用“face ornament”大概比较模糊，但更贴近原意；对“更阑犹剪灯花弄”, “许译”用“I can but trim the wick, unable to fall asleep.”，“程译”用“Late at night I scissor the lampwick to kill the painful hours”。我们觉得“许译”更为洒脱真切，“程译”比较拘谨守旧。
（11）浣溪沙
淡荡春光寒食天, 玉炉沉水袅残烟。
梦回山枕隐花钿。
海燕未来人斗草, 江梅已过柳生绵。
薄暮疏雨湿秋千。
“程译”：
Tune of Huanxisha(浣溪沙): Cozy Spring
Cozy spring light caresses the Day for Cold Food;
In the jade stove panting smoke curls upward from the eaglewood.
Waking up from a dream, I find my hair flower fallen between two pillows;
We have played the grass game before the coming of sea swallows.
Plum blossoms gone, rippling are the swaying willows;
The sparse drizzles have wetted the swing in the dusk shadows.
比较点评：
就“淡荡春光寒食天, 玉炉沉水袅残烟”，“许译”用的“Spring sheds a mild and wild light on Cold Food Day; Jade burner spreads the dying incense like a spray.”从音韵到意境都是经典，尾韵的“day”和“spray”，以及内韵的“mild”、“wild”、“light”、“dying”和“like”把“音美”发挥到了极致。“程译”的“Cozy spring light caresses the Day for Cold Food; In the jade stove panting smoke curls upward from the eaglewood.”也很有灵性。而对付“残烟”, “许译”用的是“the dying incense like a spray”，“程译”用“panting smoke”，这种拟人手腕使意境“有条有理”，更耐人寻味。
（12）怨王孙
帝里春晓, 重门深院, 草绿阶前。
暮天雁断, 楼上远信谁传？恨绵绵！
多情自是多沾惹, 难拼舍, 又是寒食也。
秋千巷陌人静, 皎月初斜, 浸梨花。
“程译”：
Tune of Yuanwangsun(怨王孙): Late Spring
Capital’s late spring bright, in deep courtyards with heavy doors, grass grows green before the stair flight;
No wild geese flying in twilight, who can send his letter to me from the vast sky? What an endless sad plight!
Cold Food Day coming again with no fire, missing or forgetting him is not easy since more woe will more love invite
Swings empty and all lanes quiet, with the moon shining aslant and soaking the pear flowers with its light.
比较点评：
“楼上远信谁传？”可以有不同的理解，以是也涌现了不同的翻译。“许译”用的是“Who will send from my bower letters for my dear？”，“程译”用的是“who can send his letter to me from the vast sky?”，音信通报的工具恰好相反。从常理和渴望的情绪来看，主人公更渴望的是得到远方亲人的来信。因此“程译”更符合整首诗词的意境和情绪；对付“难拼舍”，“许译”用了“Could I leave him apart？”, 个中的“leave him apart”是否符合英文表达，还有待商榷；至于“浸梨花”的“浸”，“许译”用“drown”，而“程译”用“soaking”，比较之下，“许译”的“皎月”比较“暴力”，而“程译”的就比较“温顺”。
（13）浣溪沙
小院闲窗春色深, 重帘未卷影沉沉。
倚楼无语理瑶琴。
远岫出云催薄暮, 细风吹雨弄轻阴。
梨花欲谢恐难禁。
“程译”：
Tune of Huanxisha(浣溪沙): In Deep Green
Hidden in spring’s deep green is the courtyard with idle window, curtains still closed in heavy shadow;
Leaning on the rails by a willow, I play the zither, with no one I can tell my sorrow;
Mountains afar hasten dusk to fall with no delay, breezes wafting drizzles with shady clouds made;
I'm afraid away the pear blossoms will helplessly wither and fade.
比较点评：
对付“春色深”，“许译”是“spring's grown old”，而“程译”是“spring’s deep green”, 显然后者更贴近原意，由于墨客要表达的是绿意盎然，而“old”是对这种意境的毁坏。“许译”把“细风吹雨弄轻阴”译为“The breeze and rain together weave a twilight pall”，很有灵气和想象力。“程译”把“倚楼”译为“Leaning on the rails by a willow”，个中的“willow”是一种合空想象的延伸，既达到了“音美”，也达到了“意美”。
（14）浣溪沙
莫许杯深琥珀浓, 未成沉醉意先融。
疏钟已应晚来风。
瑞脑喷鼻香消魂梦断, 辟寒金小髻鬟松。
醒时空对烛花红。
“程译”：
Tune of Huanxisha(浣溪沙): Wine
Say not the cup is too deep and the amber wine too strong;
I'm not yet drunk but for him my soul has gone.
Evening breeze comes with chimes far and near;
Incense fragrance fading, my dream breaks in tear.
The small gold hairpin fails to hold tight my hair;
Awake, at the lonely burning candle I stare.
比较点评：
“莫许”的理解也是诗无达诂。“许译”是“Don't”，“程译”是“Say not”，哪一种更好？这须要考虑高下文的关系，也便是跟后面的“未成沉醉”的关系。“许译”可以理解为：别给我倒满酒，我还没醉呢！
而“程译”则理解为：别说我的酒太满了、太浓了，我还没醉呢！
显然后者更为合理。对“意先融”的翻译，“许译”的“my heart melts with yearning for him”比“程译”的“for him my soul has gone”更为真切。对“疏钟已应晚来风”,“许译”的“The breeze sows intermittent chimes in evening dim”和“程译”的“Evening breeze comes with chimes far and near”各有千秋。就“瑞脑喷鼻香消魂梦断”，“许译”是“The incense burned, my dreams vanish in lonely bed”，而“程译”是“Incense fragrance fading, my dream breaks in tear”，个中的“my dream breaks in tear”更为真切，“情美”更浓。末了的“醒时空对烛花红”，“许译”是“Woke up, I face in vain the flame of candle red.”，“程译”是“Awake, at the lonely burning candle I stare”。比较之下，“程译”的“stare”比“许译”的“face”更生动，细腻。其余从句法来看，“Woke up”用法不规范。
（15）菩萨蛮
归鸿声断残云碧, 背窗雪落炉烟直。
烛底凤钗明, 钗头人胜轻。
角声催晓漏, 曙色回斗牛。
春意看花难, 西风留旧寒。
“程译”：
Tune of Pushaman(菩萨蛮)：Swan Geese And The Cloud
Swan geese flying back no longer give out heart-breaking cry with broken clouds in blue sky;
Stove smoke rises straightly high and outside the window down the snow flakes fly.
The dim candle glow makes the phoenix hairpin bright,
On which the human-shaped jewelries sway so light.
The horns hasten the dawn,
And stars change in positions when daybreak is born.
Flowers fear to bloom in early spring,
When loudly the cold west winds still sing.
比较点评：
对付“归鸿声断残云碧, 背窗雪落炉烟直”的处理, “许译”比“程译”简洁，但在意境方面，就“背窗雪落”的理解，“许译”用“Snow falls from window-sill”，而“程译”用“outside the window down the snow flakes fly”。显然，“程译”比较贴近原意。其余，我们一样平常只说“雪飘落到窗台”，而不会说“雪从窗台飘落”，以是“Snow falls from window-sill”的译法显然是一种败笔。就“角声催晓漏”这一表达，“程译”的“The horns hastens the dawn”不管是音美还是意美都比“许译”的“The horns announce daybreak is near”略胜一筹。其余，“许译”末了两行的尾韵“spring”和“lingering”重轻不对应。
（16）点绛唇
寂寞深闺, 柔肠一寸愁千缕。
惜春春去, 几点催花雨。
倚遍栏杆, 只是无感情。
人何处？连天芳草, 望断归来路。
“程译”：
Tune of Dianjiangchun(点绛唇): Alone In My Bower
One heartbeat bearing thousands of strands of sorrow,
I’m lonely in my bower so hollow;
Though we cherish spring, it has to leave, however,
With a few raindrops to hasten the fall of flower.
Leaning at all railings, still indifferent I seem to be
Where is he?
To the sky green grass extends,
And I look afar to his way back with no ends.
比较点评：
就“柔肠”，“许译”用“heartstring”，“程译”用“heartbeat”，两种译文都通过归化把“柔肠”译成了“heart”，也都起到了异曲同工的效果。“程译”对第一句里的顺序前后做了调度，表示了翻译的灵巧性。对“只是无感情”，“许译”用“To lighten my sorrow, but to no avail”彷佛更有灵气，而“程译”用的“still indifferent I seem to be”彷佛更贴近原意。至于“人何处？”，“许译”在“where is he？”前加了语气词“O”，更贴近作者的情绪。
（17）念奴娇
冷落庭院, 又斜风小雨, 重门须闭。
宠柳娇花寒食近, 各类恼人景象。
险韵诗成, 扶头酒醒, 别是闲滋味。
征鸿过尽, 万千苦处难寄。
楼上几日春寒, 帘垂四面, 玉栏杆慵倚。
被冷喷鼻香消新梦觉, 不许愁人不起。
清露晨流, 新桐初引, 多少游春意！
日高烟敛, 更看今日晴未？
“程译”：
Tune of Niannujiao(念奴娇): Spring
Courtyard being lonely, slanting breezes blow with drizzles gently,
All doors closed tightly.
Tender willows getting green, flowers blooming in a lovely way,
With all kinds of weather so annoying, coming is the Cold Food Day.
Finishing a poem in risky rhymes, I wake up from tipsiness of wine so good,
Still not in the right mood.
Wild geese have flied far away,
Failing to send him thousands of words I want to say.
These days, spring chills making my loft cold, curtains hung low,
To lean on the jade railing I'm weary to go.
Quilt turned over cold, incense dead, I wake up from a dream with weep,
Bearing skeins of sorrow, I have no peaceful sleep.
Morning dew trickling, phoenix tree leaves growing green,
How I want to enjoy the spring scene.
The sun rises high, smoke out of sight；
Is it another fine day with sunlight?
比较点评：
对“宠柳娇花”的翻译，“许译”的“Favorite willows there, coquettish flowers here”比较直白简洁，而“程译”的“Tender willows getting green, flowers blooming in a lovely way”比较委婉，对“宠”和“娇”的处理，“程译”分别用了“Tender”和“lovely”；就“别是闲滋味”，“许译”用“A different leisure I am enjoying.”，“程译”用“still not in the right mood.”。两种译法难说谁劣谁优，但“闲滋味”肯定不是纯挚的“leisure”，墨客闲里含愁，愁里带闲，夹杂着悲欢离合的情绪，千愁万绪。而“别是”本身便是一种反问，解释作者本人也不知道自己此情此景的觉得，以是很难有一个好心情；针对“日高烟敛, 更看今日晴未？”，“许译”用“The fog dispersed by sunshine, See if the day will turn fine.”，“程译”用“The sun rises high, smoke out of sight; is it another fine day with sunlight?”。对照来看，“程译”更贴近原文的语气，而且音韵更佳。
（18）庆清朝 幄
禁幄低张, 彤栏巧护, 就中独占残春。
容华淡伫, 绰约俱见天真。
待得群花过后, 一番风露晓妆新。
妖娆艳态, 妒风笑月, 长殢东君。
东城边, 南陌上, 正日烘池馆, 竞走喷鼻香轮。
绮筵散日, 谁人可继芳尘？
更好明光宫殿, 几枝先近日边匀。
金尊倒, 拼了尽烛, 不管薄暮！
“程译”：
Tune of Qingqingchao(庆清朝): Peonies
Low-spreading tents blocking the sunlight direct,
Peonies owning all the late spring the red enclosing railings protect.
Each being Heaven’s best make and select,
All look quietly elegant and stand gracefully erect.
Refreshed by wind and rain, they jeer charmingly at breeze and moonlight
And keep Spring God stay longer with delight,
After all the other flowers fade out of sight.
East of the town, by the south road, pools and pavilions are caressed by the sun,
People and carriages streaming in the sea of flowers for fun.
After the feast and the time for farewell,
What kind of flowers can succeed them in sending out such tempting smell?
In the palace where peonies dwell,
More enchanting are the sprays facing the sun, all blooming well,
Drink up the wine in the gold cup,
And leave the dusk alone falling till candles are burned up.
比较点评：
针对“就中独占残春”，“许译”为“Alone the peonies glow”，“程译”为“peonies owning all the late spring”，显然“许译”更简洁、更富有诗意，具有动感和色彩的美感。而“程译”彷佛很贴近原意，但短缺“许译”的那种灵气；就“一番风露晓妆新”，“许译”用“Steeped in the wind and dew”，而“程译”用的“Refreshed by wind and rain”。“许译”的“Steeped in”彷佛更耐人寻味，当然诗译有得有失落，这里“许译”失落去了对“新”的诠释。我们认为，诗译之以是有魅力和灵气，在于译者“敢得敢失落”，可因大失落小，不可因小失落大。以是，从直觉上，我们还是欣赏这个“许译”；对“正日烘池馆, 竞走喷鼻香轮”，“许译”为“So many scented carriages run So fleet Towards the poolside pavilions bathed in the sun.”，“程译”为“pools and pavilions are caressed by the sun, people and carriages streaming in the sea of flowers for fun”。“许译”的“bathed in the sun”和“程译”的“caressed by the sun”都各具特色。但“许译”的“Towards the poolside pavilions”搞错了方向，违背了原意。“程译”的“streaming”使人想起了“车水马龙”，更为形象生动。
（19）摊破浣溪沙
揉破黄金万点轻, 剪成碧玉叶层层。
风姿精神如彦辅, 大光鲜。
梅蕊重重何俗甚？丁喷鼻香千结苦粗生。
熏透愁人千里梦, 却无情。
“程译”：
Tune of Tanpohuanxisha(摊破浣溪沙): Laurel Flowers
You glitter with thousands of golden dots soft and light,
Sheared into layers of green leaves like jade bright.
With a nature as clear as crystal you’re born,
Naturally shining and gracefully sparkling on and on.
Vulgarly plum blossoms bloom with overlapping petals hanging low,
And showy in crowded clusters lilacs grow
Your aroma wakes me up from dreams of grief near and far.
What heartless flowers you are!
比较点评：
就“揉破黄金万点轻, 剪成碧玉叶层层。”，“程译”的“You glitter with thousands of golden dots soft and light, sheared into layers of green leaves like jade bright.”比“许译”的“Your blossoms like ten thousand golden grains so light, Your leaves seem cut from thin sheets of emerald bright,”更有灵气，个中的“glitter”点亮了整句译文，也是整句的灵魂；对“风姿精神如彦辅, 大光鲜”，两种译文为了简洁，都采取了意译，都避开了对“彦辅”的翻译和解释；至于末了的“却无情。”，“许译”用“Heartless you seem！
”，“程译”用“What heartless flowers you are!”，“许译”的语气比较生硬，而且为了押韵而用的“seem”削弱了诗词的真正情绪。
（20）蝶恋花·晚止昌乐馆寄姊妹
泪湿罗衣脂粉满, 四叠阳关, 唱到千千遍。
人性山长山又断, 萧萧微雨闻孤馆。
惜别伤离方寸乱, 忘了临行, 酒盏深和浅。
好把音书凭过雁, 东莱不似蓬莱远。
“程译”：
Tune of Dielianhua(蝶恋花): Written To My Sisters
Thinking of that parting song Sun Pass we sang again and again，
Tears wet my silk dress with rouge and powder stain.
Mountains high and rivers far away,
Listening lonely to the drizzling rain, in a lonely inn I stay.
Disturbed by the parting grieve as if in hell,
I don't know how much we drank for the farewell.
Now I have to send my letters by swan geese;
Luckily, my place is not so remote as the Fairy Hill on the seas.
比较点评：
“许译”的“人性山长山又断, 萧萧微雨闻孤馆”是“The mountains barring us from view stretch long. How lonely is the drizzling rain A lonely woman in a lonely hotel hears！
”，“程译”为“Mountains high and rivers far away, And listening to the drizzling rain, in a lonely inn I stay. ”。显然，“程译”更简洁，而且音美，意也美。“许译”的“hears”是无意的听，而“程译”的“listening”是故意的听。无意和故意决定主人当时的真实情绪。我们认为，故意的听才能缓解一个人的孤独和愁闷，本身更能解释这种情绪的强烈。其余，“许译”的“A lonely woman in a lonely hotel hears！
”既反面前一行押韵，也反面后一行押韵。这在“许译”的诗词翻译中十分罕见，不知是许老的忽略，还是故意为之？
（21）怨王孙
梦断, 漏悄, 愁浓, 酒恼。
宝枕生寒, 翠屏向晓。
门外谁扫残红？夜来风。
玉箫声断人何处？
春又去, 忍把归期负？
此情此恨此际, 拟托行云, 问东君。
“程译”：
Tune of Yuanwangsun(怨王孙): Broken Dream
Dream broken, faintly drips the water clock old;
The damn wine can't douse my grief deep.
Silk pillow icy cold,
Through the emerald screen does the dawn peep.
Who has swept the fallen petals away?
The wind last night blowing here.
Silent does the jade flute stay.
Oh, where is my dear?
Again spring gone, the promise have you heartlessly forgot to follow?
Such love, such hate and such a moment of sorrow
Only to the clouds I can entrust to ask Apollo
比较点评：
对“梦断, 漏悄, 愁浓, 酒恼。”，两种译文都没能保留原文的形式和语气。“许译”用了两个句子，“程译”也用了两个句子，但第一个句子的“Dream broken”至少还有一个逗号作间隔，比“许译”的稍好；就“夜来风”，“许译”是“Last night I heard wind roar”，“程译”是“The wind last night blowing here”。“许译”中“roar”较为真切；末了的“东君”，许译用“sun”, 跟前面的“one”押韵。“程译”用归化的“Apollo”，紧张也是考虑押韵。
（22）蝶恋花·上巳召亲族
永夜厌厌欢意少, 空梦长安, 认取长安道。
为报今年春色好, 花光月影宜相照。
随意杯盘虽草草, 酒美梅酸, 恰称人怀抱。
醉莫插花花莫笑, 可怜春似人将老。
“程译”：
Tune of Dielianhua(蝶恋花): Feast
Depressed by the endless night, I dream of Changan in vain,
Still keeping the names of its streets in my brain.
To requite the charming spring direct,
Each other the flowers and the moon shadows well reflect.
Simple with ordinary dishes is the feast,
But the wine and sour plums are satisfying at least.
Laugh not when I get drunk and pin flowers on my hair,
For a flower like a human being is also a flash of flare.
比较点评：
就“永夜厌厌欢意少, 空梦长安”，“许译”多为意译（How can I find delight On such an endless weary night？），“程译”多为直译（Depressed by the endless night, I dream of Changan in vain），“许译”比较灵巧洒脱；就末了一句“醉莫插花花莫笑, 可怜春似人将老。”，“许译”为“Don't laugh when drunk, I pin a flower on my hair! Alas! Spring will grow old with faces fair.”，“程译”为“Laugh not when I get drunk and pin flowers on my hair, For a flower like a human being is also a flash of flare”。这句的“莫”在其他文本是“里”，但不管若何，该句的含义是：我喝醉了将花插在头上，花儿不要笑我。这样看来，“许译”的“drunk”就变成了“你们这些花喝醉的时候”，显然是把工具弄错了。“许译”末了的“Spring will grow old with faces fair”也有歧义，既可理解为“美好的春天也有老的时候”，也可理解为“春天会老的，但她依然美好”，要避免歧义，最好改为“Spring with faces fair will grow old”。而“程译”的“For a flower like a human being is also a flash of flare”可以说是意美、音美，情也美。
（23）青玉案
一年春事都来几？早过了三之二。
暗绿红嫣浑可事
垂杨庭院, 暖风帘幕, 有个人干瘪。
买花载酒长安市, 又争似家山桃李？
不枉东风吹客泪！
相思难表, 梦魂无据, 唯有归来是。
“程译”：
Tune of Qingyuan(青玉案): Early Spring
How many spring days come yearly?
Two-thirds of it has passed by more early.
Still as usual, red flowers blooming in layers, with green shades grow the trees;
Someone's haggard, when the courtyard willows sway, curtains swinging in breeze.
In the capital you can drink wine and buy flowers,
But are they better than the home peaches and plums of ours?
Blame not the east wind making strangers weep in Rome,
With no one to tell their yearning, but only a dreaming soul for returning home.
比较点评：
对“一年春事都来几？”，“许译”为“How many spring days are gone in this year？”而“程译”为“How many spring days come yearly?”。一去（gone）一来（come），谁是谁非？无论从原文本身，还是下一句的关系，我们认为用“come”为妥；就“浑可事”，“许译”为“What matters”，“程译”为“Still as usual”，都是异曲同工；对“又争似家山桃李？”，“许译”为“Could they surpass peaches and plums in our native bowers？”，“程译”为“are they better than the home peaches and plums of ours?”。我们觉得“our native bowers”并非隧道的英文表达，这是许老为了押韵而生硬拼凑的，明显是因韵伤意，因此“home”的译法为好；“许译”把“吹客泪”译为“blowing my tears down”，而“blow sth. down”在英语中是“吹倒/吹掉”，但原文的意思该当是：吹得使人落泪。以是“blowing my tears down”也有硬伤。
（24）菩萨蛮
风柔日薄春犹早, 夹衫乍著心情好。
睡起觉微寒, 梅花鬓上残。
故乡何处是？忘了除非醉。
沉水卧时烧, 喷鼻香消酒未消。
“程译”：
Tune of Pusaman(菩萨蛮): Soft Breeze
Breeze mild, sunlight soft, and spring comes early with no prelude;
In a green shirt I’m in a good mood.
Waking up I feel a little bit cold;
Plum blossoms on my hair get entangled in a messy fold.
Where is the hometown of mine?
Never will I forget it unless I'm drunk on wine.
The eaglewood burns when I sleep, whose aroma has gone away,
But the wine smells still stay.
比较点评：
“梅花鬓上残”的“残”字“许译”为“faded”。由于不能确定头上戴的是真梅花，还是假的梅花妆，以是“程译”用了“in a messy fold”；就“故乡何处是？”，“许译”用“Where is my native town？”，“程译”用“Where is the hometown of mine?”。从语气和情绪上考虑，“程译”大概更好；同样就“忘了除非醉。”，“许译”用“I can’t forget it unless drunken down.”，而“程译”用“Never will I forget it unless I'm drunk on wine.”。“程译”用“Never”带头的倒装句无论从语气还是情绪，更能表达原意；就末了的“酒未消”的“酒”，“许译”用“taste”，“程译”用“smell”。此处的“酒”应指酒的气味，而非酒的味道，故用“smell”为好。
（25）鹧鸪天
寒日萧萧上琐窗, 梧桐应恨夜来霜。
酒阑更喜团茶苦, 梦断编宜瑞脑喷鼻香。
秋已尽, 日犹长。仲宣怀远更悲惨。
不如随分尊前酒, 莫负东篱菊蕊黄。
“程译”：
Tune of Zhegutian(鹧鸪天): Homesick
On the patterned window the lonely sun spills chilly light;
Phoenix trees should have hated the night frost coldly white.
Totally drunk, I like the bitter tea more and more;
Waking up from the dream, the smell of ambergris I adore.
Autumn's gone, but days are still long;
Worse than Zhong Xuan’s homesickness, desolation cuts me like another sharp edge.
Better get drunk in wine strong;
Don't let down the chrysanthemums by the east hedge
比较点评：
对“酒阑更喜团茶苦”，“许译”为“Deeply drunk, I prefer to taste the bitter tea”，“程译”为“Totally drunk, I like the bitter tea more and more”。这里不应是品茶（taste the bitter tea）的问题，而因此茶解酒的问题，故用“like the bitter tea”为好；就末了的“莫负东篱菊蕊黄”，“许译”的“Don't leave the hedgeside golden blooms Unenjoyed in the glooms!”更为简洁真切；“程译”的“Worse than Zhong Xuan’s homesickness, desolation cuts me like another sharp edge.”的比喻手腕更技高一筹，而且还与后面的hedge押韵。
（26）渔家傲
雪里已知春信至, 寒梅点缀琼枝腻。
喷鼻香脸半开娇旖旎。当庭际, 美男浴出新妆洗。
造化可能偏故意, 故教明月玲珑地。
共赏金尊沉绿蚁。莫辞醉, 此花不与群花比。
“程译”：
Tune of Yujiaao(渔家傲): Plum Blossom
Wrapped in snow, an angel has come with the message of spring;
Dotting the land, on twigs tender and plump, a plum blossom begins to sing,
With petals half open, charmingly and gracefully,
Like a naked beauty in the courtyard rising out of water freshly.
Heaven might have loved her more with delight,
Which is fondled by the moon clear and bright.
Let's raise our goblets full of wine to the blossom flawless,
Who among all flowers is forever peerless.
比较点评：
就第一句的“雪里已知春信至, 寒梅点缀琼枝腻。”，“许译”为“Herald of spring in winter snow, mume flower, O you Adorn the crystalline branches with rosy hue”，“程译”为“Wrapped in snow, an angel has come with the message of spring; Dotting the land, on twigs tender and plump, a plum blossom begins to sing”。 比较之下，“程译”的“angel”和“sing”比“许译”的更有灵气，更形象，也更耐人寻味。
（27）临江仙
庭院深深深几许？云窗雾阁常扃。
柳梢梅萼渐分明。春归秣陵树, 人老建康城。
感月吟风多少事？如今老去无成。
谁怜干瘪更凋零？试灯无意思, 踏雪没心情。
“程译”：
Tune of Xujiangxian(临江仙): Spring Coming Back
How deep is this deep courtyard, so elegant and quiet?
Mist and cloud linger around the bower with doors closed day and night,
Willows sprouting and plum blossoms budding in twos or threes,
Spring comes back to the old town with green trees,
Where I would spend rest of my life with my old knees.
How many times I have sung of the moon and the breeze?
Leisurely, about this scenery nothing I want to write now.
Who will pity your waning and withering anyhow?
I'm not in mood for previewing lanterns in rows,
Nor do I want to stroll in the snows.
比较点评：
就“庭院深深深几许？”，“许译”用“Deep, deep the courtyard where I live, how deep?”，“程译”用“How deep is this deep courtyard, so elegant and quiet? ”。无论是“how deep”还是“so elegant and quiet”都是为了和下一句押韵。从语义和语气来看，“许译”略显生硬，后面的“how deep?”也较冒昧和不自然；“人老建康城”的“许译”是“I am old in the eastern town”，“程译”是“Where I would spend rest of my life with my old knees”。“with my old knees”更形象，更有玩味，意美和音美一石二鸟；“如今老去无成”可有不同的解读，“许译”是“Now old, I've nothing done”，“程译”是“about this scenery nothing I want to write now”。
（28）如梦令
常记溪亭日暮, 沉醉不知归路。
兴尽晚回舟, 误入藕花深处。
争渡, 争渡, 惊起一滩鸥鹭。
“程译”：
Tune of Rumengling(如梦令): Twilight
Often I think of the pavilion by the brook in twilight,
Where we once got lost and intoxicated in the thrilling sight.
All drunk, returning by boat, deep into the lotus flowers did we stray;
“Go, go, row the boat!”, a flock of waterbirds we thus startled away.
比较点评：
从整体上看，“程译”在意美和形美上与原作较自然，贴切。就“争渡, 争渡”的诠释，“许译”用的“Get through！
Get through！
”从含义和表达办法都与语境不符，“get through”的含义是：（设法）处理/完成，也不宜用在祈使语气。而“程译”的“Go, go, row the boat!”不但与语境符合，还有音韵的美，更自然，更真切。
（29）行喷鼻香子
草际鸣蛩, 惊落梧桐, 君子世天上愁浓。
云阶月地, 关锁千重。
纵浮槎来, 浮槎去, 不相逢。
星桥鹊驾, 经年才见, 想离情, 别恨难穷。
牵牛织女, 莫是离中？
甚霎儿晴, 霎儿雨, 霎儿风！
“程译”：
Tune of Xingxiangzi(行喷鼻香子): Double Seventh Day
Crickets chirp amid grasses, phoenix tree leaves startled to fall,
With the day between heaven and earth for the love and hate of all.
In the sky with cloud stairs to the moon, blocked by thousands of fetter,
Coming and going by the raft, never can that loving pair get together;
Only with the magpie bridge can they meet each other once a year.
Thinking of parting, they pine in grief that will never disappear;
Still far away from the Weaving Maid the Cow Boy stays?
Alas, sometimes it shines, sometimes it rains, sometimes it blows hard these days!
比较点评：
“许译”的“Heaven as earth, alas！
”在句法表达和句意表达都欠规范；对“甚霎儿晴, 霎儿雨, 霎儿风！
”，“许译”用“why is it now fine, Now blows the wind, now falls the rain？”，而“程译”用“Alas, sometimes it shines, sometimes it rains, sometimes it blows hard these days!”。显然，“程译”保持了原文的语义和语气。而“许译”的问句没能较好的回应上文的“莫是离中？”的问题。其余，“许译”的“shed leaf on leaf”在表达和意境上还有待商榷。
（30）渔家傲·记梦
天接云涛连晓雾, 星河欲转千帆舞。
仿佛梦魂归帝所, 闻天语, 殷勤问我归何处？
我报路长嗟日暮, 学诗谩有惊人句。
九万里风鹏正举, 风休住, 蓬舟吹取三山去。
“程译”：
Tune of Yujiaao(渔家傲): A Dream
In morning mist, water embracing waving clouds in the sky,
The Milky Way turns and thousands of sails dance and fly.
To have returned to the Heaven all my souls seem;
I hear God asking me kindly where I go in my dream.
I sigh, my road goes long but dusk has fallen again,
And I have written all the amazing verses in vain
In ninety thousand miles of the sky soars the roc. Oh, wind, don't stop,
Send me, a leaf boat, to the Three Fairies Hills of Peng Pot
比较点评：
就“星河欲转”，“许译”是“The Silver River fades”，而“程译”是“the Milky Way turns”。对付“银河”“许译”采取了异化法，更有利于中华文化的传播，也有利于外洋读者理解中国人的思维和想象办法，争取中国人的话语权，这种精神难能名贵。“程译”用了归化法，使外洋读者更随意马虎接管我们的翻译。至于“许译”的“fades”和“程译”的“turns”哪一个更好，只能让读者自己感悟；“许译”中的“whirlwind mine”的句法和句意表达有待商榷；对付“蓬舟吹取三山去”可有不同的解读，因此“许译”用“carry my boat to the three isles divine!”，“程译”用“send me, a leaf boat, to the Three Fairies Hills of Peng Pot”。
（31）浪淘沙
帘外五更风, 吹梦无踪。画楼重上与谁同？
记得玉钗斜拨火, 宝篆成空。
回顾紫金峰, 雨润烟浓。一江春浪醉醒中。
留得罗襟前日泪, 弹与征鸿。
“程译”：
Tune of Langtaosha(浪淘沙): Tears
The wind outside the screen at dawn blows my dream away.
With whom can I ascend the pavilion again today?
Still I remember poking the fire with the hairpin of jade,
But the incense has all burned into breeze in the shade.
When I look back at the Purple Gold Peak, it's veiled in rains and mists;
Half awake and half drunk, I see spring waves rolling east in turns and twists.
On my silk dress still remain tears of that saddest day,
Which I'd leave with the wild geese to send to my dear anyway.
比较点评：
就“宝篆成空”，“许译”用“now the incense disappears”，“程译”用“the incense has all burned into breeze in the shade”。显然，“程译”的“burned into breeze”更富于灵性，画面感更强，也更耐人寻味；对付“弹与征鸿”，“许译”用“message-bearing swans are far to seek.”，“程译”用“which I'd leave with the wild geese to send to my dear anyway.”。两种译文都难以把“弹”真切地译出。比较之下，“程译”更贴近原意。“许译”比较生硬，觉得“far to seek”在音美上也有欠缺。其余，“许译”的整首诗词的押韵在对称方面有点反常，但对整体诗译和美感影响不大。
（32）孤雁儿
众人作梅词, 下笔便俗；予试作一篇, 乃知序言不妄耳。
藤床纸帐朝眠起, 说不尽无佳思。
沉喷鼻香烟断玉炉寒, 伴我情怀如水。
笛声三弄, 梅心惊破, 多少春情意！
小风疏雨萧萧地, 又催下千行泪。
吹箫人去玉楼空, 肠断与谁同倚？
一枝折得, 人间天上, 没个人堪寄！
“程译”：
Tune of Guyaner(孤雁儿): Ci For Plum Blossoms
People writing poems for plum blossoms are vulgar in words. I have written one, knowing what I've just said is right.
Waking up from the rattan bed with silk tent at dawn early,
I have endless yearnings and melancholy.
Incense burns out, censer getting chilly;
Like water, I feel gloomy and lonely.
Open the hearts of flowers the flute melodies for parting blow,
Arousing my infinite grief and solitude only spring does know!
Drizzles whistle and patter, triggering again lines of tears of woe;
Forever gone is the flutist, leaving the jade bower deserted so.
Heart broken, this desolate moment with whom can I share?
I have picked one plum blossom so fair,
But in heaven or on earth no one can I send and no one would care!
比较点评：
与前面第十四首词的译文一样，“许译”的“Woke up at dawn on cane-seat couch with silken screen, How can I tell my endless sorrow keen？”中的“Woke”显然是一种语法缺点，动词的过去式不可用作状语分词，应改为“Waking”；对付“（梅花）三弄”这首曲名，两种译文都没有直译，紧张是考虑其英译太长，影响译文的简洁; “许译”的“A grizzling wind and drizzling rain Call forth streams of tears again.”很精彩，“程译”的“Drizzles whistle and patter, triggering again lines of tears of woe; Forever gone is the flutist, leaving the jade bower deserted so. ”也可圈可点。
（33）诉衷情
夜来沉醉卸妆迟, 梅萼插残枝。
酒醒熏破春睡, 梦远不成归。
人悄悄, 月依依, 翠帘垂。
更捻残蕊, 更捻余喷鼻香, 更得些时。
“程译”：
Tune of Suzhongqing(诉衷情): At Night
Heavily drunk at night, still with my makeup I fell asleep unaware;
With only some calyces left on the twigs in my hair.
My tipsiness has gone somewhere;
I’m awakened by the aroma of the plum blossoms in the air,
Unable to go back in my dream to my distant home deep in heart.
All quiet, the green curtain droops, moon reluctant to part;
I kill time, by creasing the fallen petals with my fingers,
And rubbing them to smell the fragrance that still lingers.
比较点评：
“许译”的“undressed”与原文的“卸妆”相距甚大，乃至还会造成“袒露”的误读。用“feel wine no more”来诠释“酒醒”，不符合英文的表达。其余的“flowers' scent”，应为“flowers' scent”。还有“I rub dried flowers”和“With sweetened fingers”都有词不达意之嫌。其余，从整首词译的形美上看，译文的呈现上长下段，失落去了平均美；对付“人悄悄”，“许译”为“Silent I grow”，“程译”为“All quiet”。大概“程译”更能表示当时的意境。
（34）清平乐
年年雪里, 常插梅花醉。
挼尽梅花无美意, 赢得满衣清泪。
今年海角天涯, 萧萧两鬓生华。
看取晚来风急, 故应丢脸梅花。
“程译”：
Tune of Qingpingyue(清平乐): Plum Blossoms
Every year when we had snow showers,
I used to get lost in appreciating plum flowers.
Still not in mood though holding them all,
I find onto the whole dress my tears fall.
This year I'm wandering from home far away,
The sparse hairs on my temple have turned gray.
Behold! The night alights and the winds roar,
So no one can see plum blossoms any more.
比较点评：
对付“插梅”可以理解为：插梅花，也可以理解为：插梅赏梅。“许译”的处理是“with a twig of mume blossoms in my hair”，“程译”的处理是“appreciating plum flowers”。“许译”详细细腻形象生动，而“程译”倾向模糊，显然“许译”为佳；但就“挼尽”，“满衣清泪”和“萧萧”的翻译，“程译”更贴近原意。
（35）满庭芳
小阁藏春, 闲窗锁昼, 画堂无限深幽。
篆喷鼻香烧尽, 日影下帘钩。
手种江梅更好, 又何必临水登楼？
无人到, 寂寥浑似何逊在扬州。
从来知韵胜, 尴尬雨藉, 不耐风揉。
更那堪横笛吹动浓愁！
莫恨喷鼻香消雪减, 须信道扫迹情留。
难言处, 良宵淡月, 疏影尚风骚。
“程译”：
Tune of Mantingfang(满庭芳): Withering Plum Blossoms
Idle window locking outside the daylight ,
For itself my attic keeps the spring bright,
Painting hall very deep and quiet without you in sight.
Incense burned out, the sun shadow falls on the curtain hook;
Much better the plum blossoms we' ve grown look.
Why bother ourselves to ascend the tower by the river?
No one comes, and as lonely as He Xun in Yangzhou in his days I feel.
Always so elegant and beautiful, the blossoms' re too tender,
To stand the chilly wind and cold rain, a cruel ordeal.
Let alone the flute song Plum Flower Falls stirring up my woe!
Hate not the incense fading and the flowers falling like snow,
But believe that when they disappear, away their love will not go.
With no one to tell my misery and plight,
How I wish to have the faint moonlight,
Highlighting their graceful shadows in a good night.
比较点评：
总体觉得是，“许译”的表达简短，情绪强烈，音韵丰富，传染力较强。个中，比较耐人寻味的佳译有：“My painted hall is drowned in deep, deep gloom.”, “From the long flute deep sorrow flow？Do not regret your fragrance melts like snow!”和“Your graceful shadow steeped in silvery light?”等；“程译”的“Let alone the flute song Plum Flower Falls stirring up my woe! Hate not the incense fading and the flowers falling like snow,”和“How I wish to have the faint moonlight, Highlighting their graceful shadows in a good night.”也颇有玩味。
（36）玉楼春
红酥肯放琼苞碎？探着南枝开遍未？
不知酝藉多少很多多少喷鼻香？但见包藏无限意。
道人干瘪春窗底, 闷损栏杆愁不倚。
要来小酌便来休, 未必明朝风不起。
“程译”：
Tune of Yulouchun(玉楼春): Red Plum Blossoms
Will the red fresh plum blossoms let their jade buds burst?
I try to see if all the south-sided ones have bloomed first.
I don't know how much fragrance they hold,
But I see the infinite love they enfold.
Languid and haggard at the window bathed in spring someone waits,
Not in the mood to lean on the handrails with so many loves and hates.
Come if you like to drink with me to the flowers;
Who knows if winds will blow tomorrow with showers?
比较点评：
“红酥肯放琼苞碎”里的“碎”，“许译”为“unfold”，“程译”为“burst”，都各有玩味。在简洁上，在用词上和音韵上，许老的整首诗译堪称佳构，译文里的“unfold”、“enfold”、“embower”、“languish”、“laden”和“spoil”等几个动词都恰到好处，耐人寻味。“程译”的“Languid and haggard at the window bathed in spring someone waits, Not in the mood to lean on the handrails with so many loves and hates.”和“Come if you like to drink with me to the flowers; Who knows if winds will blow tomorrow with showers?”也不乏灵气。
（37）多丽
小楼寒, 夜长帘幕低垂。恨萧萧、无情风雨, 夜来揉损琼肌。也不似、贵妃醉脸, 也不似、孙寿愁眉。韩令偷喷鼻香, 徐娘傅粉, 莫将比拟未新奇。细看取、屈平陶令, 风采正合适。微风起, 清芬酝藉, 不减酴醿。
渐秋阑、雪清玉瘦, 向人无限依依。似愁凝、汉皋解佩, 似泪洒、纨扇题诗。朗月清风, 浓烟暗雨, 天教干瘪度芳姿。纵爱惜、不知从此, 留得多少很多多少时。人情好, 何须更忆, 泽畔东篱。
“程译”：
Tune of Duoli(多丽): White Chrysanthemum
Attic cold, night long, down the curtain's drawn behind the pane;
So annoying is the whistling and rustling of the ruthless wind and rain,
Battering you all night regardless of your pain,
Neither like the drunk Concubine Yang Gui Fei, a born beauty,
Nor the frowned Sun Shou, a lady bewitchingly tarty.
How can Han Ling steal incense for love true,
And Lady Xu powdering her face for romance be compared to you?
Observed carefully in nature and spell,
Qu Yuan and Tao Yuanming match you well;
Breeze blowing, not less sweet than a wild rose you smell.
When late autumn fades, you' re as thin as jade and pure as snow
As if showing your infinite reluctance to leave this world so.
Seemingly with piles of sorrow, for your love you untie your jade pendant
Like shedding your tears on the silk fan inscribed with poems brilliant.
Sometimes in moonlight the breeze blows;
Sometimes in autumn rain the smog flows.
Heaven lets you with your beauty wither away;
Cherishing you deeply, I don't know how long I can make you stay
If how to love and appreciate we know all,
Why the two holy poets do we bother to recall.
比较点评：
对“揉损琼肌”的“揉损”，“许译”为“Wrinkle and bruine”，“程译”为“Battering”。
“许译”在此用了一个法语词“bruine”，毕竟许总是英法皆通，掺杂个别外来词也是情理之中。但这大概会给读者带来一定的困惑和不便。对付诗词里涌现的几个历史人物，“许译”还是采取意译，而“程译”采取汉语拼音加简短的意译，这是力所能及地传播中华文化；至于“泽畔东篱”，“许译”用“the lakeside poets”，而“程译”用“the two holy poets”。由于前面的译文没有提及，“许译”会使读者一头雾水。而“程译”在前面已提到了两位墨客，所往后面的译文也就顺理成章了；总体上，“许译”的口语味较浓，而“程译”的书面语较浓。我们认为倾向书面语的译文更适宜表达中国古诗词特有的蕴藉和典雅。
（38）瑞鹧鸪·双银杏
风采雍容未甚都, 尊前柑橘可为奴。
谁怜流落江湖上？玉骨冰肌未肯枯。
谁教并蒂连枝摘？醉后明皇倚太真。
居士擘开真故意, 要吟风味两家新。
“程译”：
Tune of Ruizhegu(瑞鹧鸪): A Pair Of Gingkoes
Though natural and graceful, gingkoes look not gorgeously superior,
While oranges before the goblets appear a bit inferior.
Who will pity you coming down and roaming high and low?
Pure as jade and as clean as ice, shriveled you refuse to go.
Who has picked you on the same stem?
Like the drunk king leaning on the queen, his gem.
Let me pull this intimate loving pair apart
So we can share their flavour heart to heart.
比较点评：
对“流落江湖”，“许译”为“you planted by the riverside”，而“程译”为“you coming down and roaming high and low”，显然“程译”对“江湖”的解读比较符合原文；就“居士擘开真故意, 要吟风味两家新”，“许译”为“On purpose the recluse puts you apart So you may sing a true love song from heart to heart.”，“程译”为“Let me pull this intimate loving pair apart So we can share their flavour heart to heart.”。两种译文的不同，是由于原文可有不同的解读。此处的“居士”有可能是第三者，也可能是墨客本人。我们觉得“许译”的翻译更为洒脱，更富有浪漫色彩；而对付“新”字谐音所含的“心”意，两种译文都倾向了“心”，这与整首诗词的情绪总调是吻合的。
（39）鹧鸪天·桂花
暗淡轻黄体性柔, 情疏迹远只喷鼻香留。
何须浅碧深赤色？自是花中最高级。
梅定妒, 菊应羞, 画栏开处冠中秋。
骚人可煞无情思, 何事当年不见收？
“程译”：
Tune of Zhegutian(鹧鸪天): Laurel Flower
Quiet, tender, slightly yellow and slightly gray,
Seclusive and lonely with fragrance you sway.
Why should you be of light green and deep red?
Of all other flowers you are surely ahead.
Plum blossoms are surely jealous, and be ashamed should chrysanthemums;
Inside beautiful garden rails, you bloom matchless in the middle of autumns.
Qu Yuan must have been insensitive and even heartless too
When he wrote the poem of Lisao, why didn't he mention of you.
比较点评：
“暗淡轻黄体性柔”中的“暗淡”，“许译”用“pale”，“程译”用“gray”。“程译”一箭双雕，既达到了意美，也达到了音美；对“情疏迹远只喷鼻香留”，“程译”用“Seclusive and lonely with fragrance you sway.”，个中的“sway”很有动感，与上一行的“gray”押韵；就“骚人”的处理，“许译”用“The poet Qu ”，“程译”用“Qu Yuan”，全名的翻译可以让读者有据可查，也是对墨客的尊重。其余“程译”在后面的译文里还加上了“Lisao”，最大程度保留了中华文化的元素。
（40）南歌子
天上星河转, 人间帘幕垂。
凉生枕簟泪痕滋。起解罗衣, 聊问夜何其？
翠贴莲蓬小, 金销藕叶稀。
旧时景象旧时衣, 只有情怀, 不似旧家时。
“程译”：
Tune of Nangezi(南歌子): Feeling
The milky way rotates, curtain of the human world hanging low;
The pillow and mat soaked with tears feel cold.
Getting up at night, my silk robe I unfold;
I casually ask about the time in slow flow.
Shrinking is the lotus seed pod sewn with green threads years ago;
Getting sparse are the lotus leaves stitched with strings of gold.
The weather is old and the dress is so,
Only my feeling is not like those days old.
比较点评：
“人间帘幕垂”该当是指全体人间的幕帘，也便是一整块夜幕。从对应的层次来看，天上的银河和地上的帘幕都是宏不雅观上的对应，如果指挨家挨户的帘幕就把墨客的想象一样平常化和庸俗化了，其余作者不可能去关注，也不可能看到各家各户的帘幕。夜幕的降临才是墨客当时真正的感想熏染，这本身便是一种很形象的比喻。当然，“许译”的“On earth all curtains are drawn down”有他个人的理解，但“程译”用的“curtain of the human world hanging low”更贴近原意，也更有诗意。“许译”的“Small is the lotus green on the robe I caress, And sparse the leaves embroidered in thread of gold.”在语句上用了两个对应的排比句，个中“sparse”后省略了系动词“are”，和谐而且精髓精辟，堪称佳译。“程译”的“The weather is old and the dress is so, Only my feeling is not like those days old.”也颇有韵味。
（41）添字采桑子·芭蕉
窗前谁种芭蕉树？阴满中庭。
阴满中庭, 叶叶心心, 舒卷有余情。
伤心枕上三更雨, 点滴霖霪。
点滴霖霪, 愁损北人, 不惯起来听。
“程译”：
Tune of Tianzicaisangzi(添字采桑子)：Banana Trees
Who has planted the banana trees before the window?
Shadows on the whole courtyard their shades cast.
The whole courtyard their shades shadow;
Leaves and buds spread in layers with loving hearts beating fast.
In grief, I can't fall asleep on the pillow,
When it rains at midnight with pitter-patter.
The pitter-patter strike at a northerner's heart with sorrow;
Not used to it, I get up to be a lonely sitter.
比较点评：
不知道“许译”在“阴满中庭。阴满中庭”为什么两次都用“please”？看来只是纯粹为了押韵，但含义上和原文绝不沾边，也侵害了原文的语气，这种明显的拼凑只能说是一种败笔； 在翻译“不惯起来听” 时，只译出了“rise”，而最主要的目的“听”被忽略了，这是一个硬伤。显然这首词的“许译”，因韵害意的情形较明显。如果说全体译文最精彩的恐怕便是“It saddens a Northerner who sighs”了。而“程译”在总体上比较虔诚原意，就“舒卷有余情”，译文“Leaves and buds spread in layers with loving hearts beating fast.”较有灵气，“with loving hearts beating fast”也耐人寻味。其余的“点滴霖霪”译为“pitter-patter”比“许译”的“Drizzling” 更形象生动。
（42）忆秦娥
临高阁, 乱山平野烟光薄。
烟光薄, 栖鸦归后, 暮天闻角。
断喷鼻香残酒情怀恶, 西风催衬梧桐落。
梧桐落, 又还秋色, 又还寂寞。
“程译”：
Tune of Yiqine(忆秦娥): Autumn
Seen from the high tower, wildly across the wilderness in mist mountains stretch on；
Veiled in mist, returning crows make no more croak, listening at dusk to the horn.
With no more incense and no more wine, much worse do I feel in grieves;
The west wind is hastening the fall of phoenix tree leaves.
Leaves from the phoenix trees falling, again returns the desolate autumn.
And again, it makes me more blue and lonesome.
比较点评：
“许译”用“the thin mist die”来诠释“烟光薄”，明显也是为了押韵。而这里的“die”无论在意美和音美上都有所欠妥。实在，mist本身便是薄雾，前面也没有必要用thin, 因此“程译”的“in mist”用得比较自然。“许译”的精彩之处是：“And hear the horn sadden the evening sky！
”和“Incense burned and wine drunk, only my heart still grieves To see the west wind hasten the fall of plane leaves.”，还有末了的几行诗译“Fall the plane leaves；Again the autumn hue And loneliness anew！
”也比较真切。而“程译”的最前面两行“Seen from the high tower, wildly across the wilderness in mist mountains stretch on Veiled in mist, returning crows make no more croak, listening at dusk to the horn”比较细腻，贴切。
（43）摊破浣溪沙
病起萧萧两鬓华, 卧看残月上窗纱。
豆蔻连梢煎熟水, 莫分茶。
枕上诗书闲处好, 门远景致雨来佳。
终日向人多酝藉, 木犀花。
“程译”：
Tune of Tanpohuanxisha(摊破浣溪沙): Fallen Ill
Hairs on my temples getting gray after I have fallen ill,
On bed, I watch the waning moon hanging at the window gauze still.
Cardamon boiled into soup, I drink it with not any tea;
How leisurely it is to read on a pillow somehow carefree,
With the outdoor scene more beautiful in showers.
Greeting me all day with fragrance are the laurel flowers.
比较点评：
就“病起”的理解，“许译”为“After illness”，“程译”为“after I have fallen ill”。前者的意思应为病后，也便是病好往后。“程译”应为患了病往后。如果病好了还吃什么药？除非李清照已经把药当饭吃了？显然“许译”是出缺点的；对付“莫分茶”，有人理解为：汤和药一起都倒到碗里，就不用专门过滤为茶水了。也有人理解为：豆蔻药汤性温，茶水性凉，以是喝药汤就不要喝茶水。目前被普遍接管的是后者，但不管若何，“许译”的解读是“Together with their twigs are boiled cardamon seed；For tea there's no need.”，也便是：熬药时就不用加上茶水了。译文跟原文的差距较大。“程译”是“Cardamon boiled into soup, I drink it with not any tea”，大概比较靠近原意。
（44）好事近
风定落花深, 帘外拥红堆雪。
长记海棠开后, 正伤春时节。
酒阑歌罢玉尊空, 青缸暗闪动。
魂梦不堪幽怨, 更一声啼鴂。
“程译”：
Tune of Haoshijin(好事近): Sad Spring
Wind stops with fallen flowers thick aground;
Outdoors, red petals heap up in snow all around.
Do remember that, after begonias bloom,
Come the days of spring-evoked sorrow and gloom.
Wine drunk off, songs fading and goblets empty late at night,
Flickering blue is the dim lamp light.
In dreams my hidden woe and bitterness unbearable rise
But more bitter to hear is the shrike's sad cries
比较点评：
就“落花深”，“许译”是“the fallen petals lie so deep”，此处的“deep”明显欠妥，由于此处的“深”光从字面去理解显然不通，而现在普遍的认同是“尽凋零”，也便是完备的凋零。“程译”的解读是“Wind stops with fallen flowers thick aground”，大概更靠近原意；“许译”的“sing”和“flickering”不是规范的押韵；“许译”的“Unable to bear the grief in dreams, my soul sighs. How can I bear the cuckoo's cries！
”比较精彩，而“程译”的“In dreams my hidden woe and bitterness unbearable rise but more bitter to hear is the shrike's sad cries”也不赖。“许译”在同一句的译文里涌现了两个“bear”，是否妥当，有待商榷。
（45）永遇乐
落日熔金, 暮云合璧, 人在何处？
染柳烟浓, 吹梅笛怨, 春意知几许？
元宵佳节, 融和蔼象, 次第岂无风雨？
来相召, 喷鼻香车宝马, 谢他诗朋酒侣。
中州盛日, 闺门多暇, 记得侧重三五。
铺翠冠儿, 捻金雪柳, 簇带争济楚。
如今干瘪, 风鬟雾鬓, 怕见夜间出去。
不如向帘儿底下, 听人笑语。
“程译”：
Tune of Yongyule(永遇乐)：Lantern Festival
Floating like melted gold is the sunset glow;
Like gathering moons the evening clouds flow,
Where on earth is the disaster survivor?
Mist gets denser making willows looking thicker,
In the air the sad flute melody of "Plum Blossoms Fall" echoes,
Who knows how much love spring brings with sorrows?
It's the Lantern Festival, with fine weather and spring message.
Won't storms in a flash come like cranks?
To invite me to a banquet, they come in a gorgeous carriage,
To all these friends of wine and poems I give thanks.
Thinking of the golden days when in the capital I did stay,
Ladies in bowers more idle loved better the Lantern's Day
With head flowers made with gold threads dandy,
We wore feather hats, neatly pretty and cleanly tidy.
Now with messy hairs and frost on temples, wan and sallow,
I'm lazy and afraid to go out at night.
It's better to hide myself under the curtain of the window,
Listening to others cheering and laughing outdoors in delight.
比较点评：
就“暮云合璧”可有多种解读，有的理解为：暮云色彩波蓝，仿佛碧玉一样晶莹鲜艳。有的理解为：傍晚的云彩像围合着的明月。“许译”解读为“Gathering clouds like marble cold”，由于“璧”多理解为玉，以是用“ jade marble”大概更佳。“程译”用的“Like gathering moons the evening clouds flow,”大概更富有想象力；其余，“许译”的“I'd rather forward lean Behind the window screen To hear other people's laughter ring.”里面用的是“To hear”表示目的，但用的是却是无意的“hear”，这彷佛违反了逻辑。而“程译”用的“listening to”大概更符合原意，更生动；总体来说，“许译”倾向口语风格，“程译”倾向书面风格。
（46）武陵春
风住尘喷鼻香花已尽, 日晚倦梳头。
物是人非事事休, 欲语泪先流。
闻说双溪春尚好, 也拟泛轻舟。
只恐双溪舴艋舟, 载不动许多愁！
“程译”：
Tune of Wulingchun(武陵春)：Twin Streams
Wind gone, all flowers fallen withered, dusts smelling fragrant fly;
I'm still not in the mood for combing my hair, sun already rising high.
Men are no more the same, but things unchanged still remain;
Before opening my mouth, I have burst into tears of pain.
Told that spring days in Shuangxi are still nice and bright,
I also want to go there rowing my canoe small and narrow,
But worrying that on the Twin Streams the boat light
Can't bear the heavy weight of my sorrow.
比较点评：
对“物是人非事事休”的“人非”, “许译”用的是特指“he's no more”，“程译”用的是泛指“Men are no more the same”。两种译法没有对错，只看读者个人的情绪经历和共鸣；“许译”的“the grief-o' er laden boat Upon Twin Creek can't keep afloat”意美音美皆有！
（47）声声慢
寻寻觅觅, 冷生僻清, 凄悲惨惨戚戚。
乍暖还寒时候, 最难将息。
三杯两盏淡酒, 怎敌他晚来风急？
雁过也, 正伤心, 却是旧时相识。
满地黄花堆积, 干瘪损, 而今有谁堪摘！
守着窗儿, 独自怎生得黑！
梧桐更兼小雨, 到薄暮点点滴滴。
这次第怎一个愁字了得！
“程译”：
Tune of Shengshengman(声声慢): Slow Sad Sigh
Where is the home for soul
When it's all bleak and cold,
With tears of grief and woe?
Weirdly warm, and weirdly chill,
Wailing autumn haunts me still.
Well, how can three goblets of light wine
Ward off the wind torturing me at night?
Wild Geese have all flown south far away,
Who, my old friends, leave my heart ache!
Withered yellow flowers so piled up
Would anyone bear or care to pluck?
Wishfully gazing out of the silent window,
Wilted, how I can endure the day's sorrow!
Whipped in pitter-patter into dusk deep,
Wutong trees in endless drizzles weep.
Wretched is this moment in hell;
What just a word "sad" can tell!
比较点评：
李清照的《声声慢》是一首范例的悲情诗，那种迷茫和绝望、那种压抑的情绪如何张扬都不为过。我们觉得“许译”过于口语化的译文不适宜墨客在该词所饱含的那种幽怨的情调和悲哀的语气。“程译”是一种考试测验，在整体情调陪衬上紧张做了这些相应的处理：首先标题《声声慢》的英译“Slow Sad Sigh”重复利用了“s”的头韵，与标题“声声慢”里那种无奈无尽的嗟叹的两个“s”音共鸣，像原文一样能在读前引起阅读的期待，读后产生阅读的回味；原诗的“寻寻觅觅，冷生僻清，凄悲惨惨戚戚”里反复重复的音素“i”，徘徊低迷，婉转凄楚，犹如听到一个伤心之极的人在低声倾诉。作为呼应，诗译的前三行都以/ou/音结尾，该音素的重复让译语读者彷佛听到墨客绝望的哀叹！
从而更深切觉得到词人陷入的无尽痛楚，达到与原诗异曲同工的效果，引出了整首词的哀怨情调；整首诗译采取了“W”的头韵，以表达内心迷茫的“Where”，那种人生无奈地的“Withered”，那种撕心裂肺的“Wail”，那种欲哭无泪的“Weep”和那种人生的“Wretched”，在视觉上形象再现了词人压抑和绝望的心情，与原作的总调同等；“程译”至少在末了的两行“Wretched is this moment in hell; What just a word ‘sad’ can tell!”在情美、意美、音美和形美上优于“许译”的“Oh, what can I do with a grief Beyond belief！
”
（48）生查子
年年玉镜台, 梅蕊宫妆困。
今岁未还家, 怕见江南信。
酒从别后疏, 泪向愁中尽。
遥想楚云深, 人远天涯近。
“程译”：
Tune of Shengzhazi(生查子)：From Year To Year
Facing each year the jade mirror on the top of the dresser,
And making up myself as a plum flower for years, I've got wearier.
My love still not back home this year;
To receive bad news from the Jiangnan shore I fear.
Since he left, I've drunk less;
My tears have run out in the yearning in excess.
It's heartbreaking to think of him floating as a cloud far away,
Who is much farther than the Milky Way.
比较点评：
“许译”把“妆台”译为“toilets”彷佛不雅观观，特殊对当代人来说，会带来不好的遐想，而且中国传统的女士妆台的风格应与西方toilet的风格无关，其余“Weary the toilets of mume blossom style appear”也值得商榷，到底是妆台自己显得疲倦还是使人厌倦？weary一样平常润色的是人，而且原文厌倦的也是人。大概，许老采取了拟人手腕，但彷佛偏离了墨客的原意；“许译”的“Since he left, I have drunk less and less wine；Tears melt into grief, more and more I pine.”很经典，“程译”的“It's heartbreaking to think of him floating as a cloud far away, Who is much farther than the Milky Way. ”也耐人寻味。
（49）殢人娇·后庭梅花开有感
玉瘦喷鼻香浓, 檀深雪散, 今年恨探梅又晚。
江楼楚馆, 云闲水远。
清昼永, 凭栏翠帘低卷。
坐上客来, 尊中酒满, 歌声共水流云断。
南枝可插, 更须细剪。
莫直待西楼数声羌管！
“程译”：
Tune of Tirenjiao(殢人娇): Plum Blossoms in The Backyard
Slender jades with strong aroma, lasting until snow melts far and near,
I regret missing again the time for appreciating plum blossoms this year.
I drift from one tower to another bar,
Like clouds wandering and rivers running far.
Days endless, I lean on the railings, looking afar;
At the banquet with cups full of wine guests come and go,
Singing songs together like water flowing and clouds floating to and fro.
Pick them more before the withering of the sun-facing plum flower;
Wait not for the desolate Qiang flute echoing from my bower.
比较点评：
对“檀深雪散”，“许译”用了“On sandalwood strewn with white snow”，许老在此把檀喷鼻香误读为檀木，因而，既没能把“深”字译出，没能把“散”字译出，而且用的“strewn with”把原意推向了反面; 在“To my regret, this year You' re late again to come to view mume flowers.”里，仇恨的大概不应该是“You”，该当是“I”，其余，在“Your guests may come to dine”里的“Your”也该当是“my”,至少也是“our”，由于墨客所写的诗词多是她个人的经历，体验和情绪，这样就使得她的诗词更能动听，更易引起共鸣，也更有魅力。后面的“Your songs ”中的“your”也是同样的情形。总之，工具不一样，传染力也不一样；“许译”的“Don't wait till in my western bower I play the flute on the fall of mume flower！
”和“程译”的“Pick them more before the withering of the sun-facing plum flower, Wait not for the desolate Qiang flute echoing from my bower”各有精彩之处，但“许译”更为简洁。
（50）临江仙
庭院深深深几许？云窗雾阁春迟。
为谁干瘪损芳姿？夜来清梦好, 应是发南枝。
玉瘦檀轻无限恨, 南楼羌管休吹。
浓喷鼻香吹尽又谁知？暖风迟日也, 别到杏花肥。
“程译”：
Tune of Linjiangxian(临江仙): To The Plum Blossoms
How deep is this deep courtyard? Clouds lingering by the windows and mist clinging to the pavilion, the late spring always likes to delay.
For whom you get withered and worn? With the right time for the twigs facing the sun to sprout, only in night dreams together can we stay.
Play not the sad tunes on the Qiang flute in the south tower when slim and slight you sway.
How much of your fragrance has been blown off, who knows? Spring breeze, don't come rushing only for the apricots' flowering day.
比较点评：
在没有欣赏“许译”之前，我们没有考虑用“you”来代替“The Plum Blossoms”，在进一步品味和权衡后，我们觉得“许译”用的“you”很高明，不但使情绪更浓，译文也更简洁；对“别到杏花肥”，我们认为“许译”的“Don't love the apricot which blooms tomorrow！
”对原文有误解，公认的意见是：别一下就让韶光来到杏花盛开的时节了。因此，“程译”用了“Spring breeze, don't come rushing only for the apricots' flowering day.”
（51）青玉案
征鞍不见邯郸路, 莫便匆匆归去。
秋风冷落何以度？
明窗小酌, 暗灯清话, 最好留连处。
相逢各自伤春暮, 犹把新词诵奇句。
盐絮家风人所许。
如今干瘪, 但余双泪, 一似黄梅雨。
“程译”：
Tune of Qingyuan(青玉案): Endless Grief
Galloping for fame in a vanishing dream, don't hasten back so.
How can I live alone in the autumn wind so bleak with woe?
Drinking at will by the window bright
And talking freely in the dim light
Make it hard for us to tear ourselves apart.
Every time we meet and part,
For the falling of dusk aches each heart.
Chanting poems and appreciating the best lines again and again
Is our family style highly praised but I'm now so haggard with pain,
With only two lines of bitter tears falling on my face like the plum rain
比较点评：
“许译”把“征鞍不见邯郸路”译为“our steed can't see the way to glory vain”，“程译”为“Galloping for fame in a pipe dream, don't hasten back so”，个中的“邯郸路”比喻求取功名的道路；亦指仕途。两种译文都采取了意译; “许译”生造了“willowdown”这个名词，以表达柳絮或垂柳，但我们觉得这个词造得很生硬，既无意美，也无音美，直接用willows不是更好吗？显然许总是为了后面的押韵；就“相逢各自伤春暮”，“许译”为“We meet to grieve over our years on the decline”，“程译”为“Every time we meet and part, for the falling of dusk aches each heart”，两种译文各显神采。对付“最好留连处”，“许译”为“That's the best way for you to stay”，“程译”为“Make it hard for us to tear ourselves apart”。“许译”普通直白，“程译”委婉蕴藉，更耐人寻味；从整体上看，这次的“许译”里，简短的口语少了，形式上与原作也比较对称，诗韵更浓，情美、意美、音美和形美俱佳！
（52）采桑子
晚来一阵风兼雨, 洗尽炎光。
理罢笙黄, 却对菱花淡淡妆。
绛绡缕薄冰肌莹, 雪腻酥喷鼻香。
笑语檀郎, 今夜纱厨枕簟凉。
“程译”：
Tune of Caisangzi(采桑子): Tonight
At dusk gusts of wind with showers of rain blow,
Washing away the hotness of the day in flow.
After the Sheng pipe she plays;
Before the mirror, she does a slight make-up and prays.
In the silken night-dress red and thin
Gleaming is her snow-white skin.
With the wafting of intoxicating fragrance light
To her lover she smiles, "So cold is the bamboo mat tonight!"
比较点评：
与上一首的一样，“许译”的情美、意美、音美和形美都令人钦佩，美中不敷的是“toilet”一词。整体上，“许译”和“程译”都各有千秋。而末了的“今夜纱厨枕簟凉”，“许译”用“The mat in our curtained bed must be cool tonight”，“程译”用“So cold is the bamboo mat tonight!”，该词的末了这句话，决定了整首词的韵味，也是夫妻一夜情爱的序曲。显然“程译”的表达更简洁，语气更暧昧，情绪意味更浓，诱惑力更强。关键是，“cool”与“cold”的效果不一样。
（53）浣溪沙
髻子伤春慵更梳, 晚风庭院落梅初。
淡云来往月疏疏。
玉鸭熏炉闲瑞脑, 朱樱斗帐掩流苏。
通犀还解辟寒无？
“程译”：
Tune of Huanxisha(浣溪沙): Spring Sorrow
Tortured by the spring sorrow, I’m weary of combing my hairs;
Evening breeze blowing in the yard, plum flowers begin to fall in pairs.
Thin clouds float to and fro, casting sparse moon shadow;
Incense lies idle in the duck-like censer by the window,
Flying on the top of the pink tent, tassels hang low,
Could the age-old rhinoceros horn still dispel the cold blow?
比较点评：
记得有一位译家说过：一首诗词的翻译如果用非正常的词序过多，就会影响读者的欣赏，也会减低译文的美感。“许译”里的“My grief over parting spring leaves uncombed my hair”、“In wind-swept court begin to fall mume blossoms fair”和“Unlit the censer and unburnt the camphor stay”的确有反常词序过多之嫌，这也是许老为了押韵所致。“程译”也考虑了押韵，但译文比较流畅。
（54）浪淘沙
素约小腰身, 不奈伤春。疏梅影下晚妆新。
袅袅婷婷何样似？一缕轻云。
歌巧动朱唇, 字字娇嗔。桃花深径一通津。
怅望瑶台清夜月, 还送归轮。
“程译”：
Tune of Langtaosha(浪淘沙)： Waiting For Her Dear
With a silk ribbon tied around her slim waist like a rainbow ring,
A young lady can't help sighing for the heartbreaking spring.
Amid the sparse plum flower shadows, freshly made-up she appears slender;
How lissome and graceful does she look? Like a wisp of light cloud so tender,
With her red lips she sings with each word coyly and charmingly.
To the small path hidden in peach-blossoms to the ferry she looks quietly and sadly
And then turning to the fairy land in the clear moonlight,
She asks the fairies to keep it for her lover's carriage to come back at night
比较点评：
我们创造，许老的诗译比较喜好用问句，纵然原文没有疑问的语气，他也用问句。该当说，许老故意用问句，很多时候是恰到好处的，这样使译文更富情绪和亲切感。如，第一句的“素约小腰身, 不奈伤春”，“许译”为“How can your silk-girt waist so slender Bear the grief of departing spring？”彷佛没什么欠妥。其余，在既能用第三人称，也能用第二人称的时候，许老也多用第二人称。如果比拟这首词的两种英译，我们觉得“许译”用的第二人称比“程译”用的第三人称更有传染力。大概“程译”的用词更细腻动听，但都比不上第二人称的传染力。
（55）浣溪沙
绣面芙蓉一笑开, 斜飞宝鸭衬喷鼻香腮。
眼波才动被人猜。
一壁风情深有韵, 半笺娇恨寄幽怀。
月移花影约重来。
“程译”：
Tune of Huanxisha(浣溪沙):
Applique on the face, she smiles like a lotus sweetly;
The duck-shaped hairpin flying aslant in the sun rays
Makes her cheeks look more comely.
Her real sweetheart a fluid glance of hers betrays.
Full of charm is the amorous expression on her face;
Only by the letter can she send him her love bitterness.
The flower shadows dancing in grace
Give lovers the best moments for snuggling tenderness
比较点评：
“许译”的另一个特点是把书面的陈述转换成带引号的直口语语，比如，“半笺娇恨寄幽怀。月移花影约重来。”，许老译成了“‘To my regret, ’she writes, ‘you did not keep the date. When flowers are steeped in moonlight, don't again be late！
’”，就像他对人称的处理一样（能用第一人称就不用第二人称，能用第二人称就不用第三人称），这种转换也是为了亲切感和传染力。从两种译文的比拟可以觉得到效果的不同。只管“许译”的这种处理难免和原文有一定的偏差，但诗译首先考虑的是真切，其次才是达意。整体对照该词的两种译文，“程译”显得四平八稳，但“许译”更有灵气，如，“Her lotus-like fair face brightens with a beaming smile；Beside a duck-shaped censer her fragrant cheeks beguile. But when you see she winks, You' ll guess at what she thinks.”，使人回味无穷。其余，程译的“snuggling tenderness”也很真切。
（56）转调满庭芳
芳草池塘, 绿阴庭院, 晚晴寒透窗纱。
玉钩金锁, 管是客来啥。
寂寞尊前席上, 唯愁海角天涯。
能留否？荼縻落尽, 犹赖有梨花。
当年曾胜赏, 生喷鼻香薰袖, 活火分茶。
看游龙娇马, 流水轻车。
不怕风狂雨骤, 恰才称煮酒残花。
如今也, 不成怀抱, 得似旧时那？
“程译”：
Tune of Zhuandiaomantingfang(转调满庭芳): Those Good Old Days
Sweet grass floating on the pond, and green trees shading the yard still,
Twilight peeps through the window screen with chill.
The crescent moon shines on the gold lock;
If in the past, there must be friends coming in flock.
But now, I'm lonely, sitting alone before a cup with tear;
So far away from home, I only worry how long I can stay here,
Though all wild roses have fallen, luckily, there remain flowers of pear;
I, once a connoisseur, with sleeves perfumed by incense rare,
Made tea and poured it for all guests who come and go,
Eyeing dragons and steeds fly and rivers and carriages flow;
Not caring about rains pouring down in winds that fiercely blow,
I still like to warm wine and view withered flowers fall every day.
Alas, all those good old days are gone away;
And river will never flow back anyway.
比较点评：
该词不少地方可有不同的解读，以是译文的处理也有所不同。就“玉钩金锁, 管是客来啥”，“许译”为“Jade ring and lock of brass, No guest would come”，“程译”为“The crescent moon shines on the gold lock, If in the past, there must be friends coming in flock.”；针对“当年曾胜赏, 生喷鼻香薰袖, 活火分茶。看游龙娇马, 流水轻车”的逻辑主语，“许译”用“you...with me”和“we”，而“程译”用只用“I”，显然，“许译”的情绪更浓，传染力更强；末了的一句“如今也, 不成怀抱, 得似旧时那？”，“许译”用“Gone is the one whom I adore. Could I revive the days of yore！
”，“程译”用“Alas, all those good old days are gone away; And river will never flow back anyway.”。对原文的主流理解是：眼下与从前那种高枕而卧的光景，不可同日而语。只管“程译”更贴近原意，但“许译”出奇制胜，更有灵性。
（57）行喷鼻香子
天与秋光, 转转情伤, 探金英知近重阳。
薄衣初试, 绿蚁新尝。
渐一番风, 一番雨, 一番凉。
薄暮院落, 凄凄惶惶, 酒醒时往事愁肠。
那堪永夜, 明月空床！
闻砧声捣, 蛩声细, 漏声长。
“程译”：
Tune of Xingxiangzi(行喷鼻香子)：Late Autumn
The sky is brightened with the autumn light,
While I get sadder as if in a dark night.
Golden chrysanthemum tells the coming of Double Ninth Day;
I put on a thin dress, and try the green ant wine in a casual way.
First a gust of wind blows, and a gust of rain, followed by a flow of cold;
In the yard in twilight, I have bleak and desolate feelings untold.
When I sober up, the bygones comes back with more grief and woe;
How can I stand the endless night, empty bed drowned in moonlight flow!
Hearing someone pounding clothes afar, crickets chirping faintly
And the long dripping of the water clock, I sigh slightly.
比较点评：
就“闻砧声捣”，“许译”为：To hear the washerwomen pound the clothes, I pine。显然，“许译”忽略了动词禁绝时短语放在句首表示目的的含义，此处不应该是目的，而是表示缘故原由和伴随，故应把“to hear”改为“hearing”。这种动词不定式的误用征象在“许译”里涌现的不少。对末了一句“闻砧声捣, 蛩声细, 漏声长”的翻译，两种译文也是风格迥异，但都各得其所。
（58）二色宫桃
缕玉喷鼻香苞酥点萼, 正万木园林萧索。
唯有一枝雪里开, 江南有信凭谁托？
前年记尝登高阁, 叹年来, 旧欢如昨。
听取乐天一句云:花开处且须行乐。
“程译”：
Tune of Ersetaogong(二色宫桃)：Fragrant Jade Buds
In the tender arms of calyxes fragrant jade buds still sleep,
When all naked trees in the woods bleak and chilly weep.
Only one flower stretches out of the snow to smile in glee;
Who can send this message from Jiangan Shore for me?
The year before last, I remember,
We climbed a tall tower together.
Alas, as if in yesterday, again the joys of yore loom;
Bai Juyi did say: make merry while you may where flowers bloom
比较点评：
对“缕玉喷鼻香苞酥点萼”，“许译”为“The fragrant budding flowers look like cups of carved jade”，“程译”为“In the tender arms of calyxes fragrant jade buds still sleep”，比较之下，后者更有灵气，更贴近原意；就“正万木园林萧索”，“许译”用“When garden trees afford no agreeable shade”，“程译”用“When all naked trees in the woods bleak and chilly weep”。“许译”的“萧索”译得不是很到位，“程译”里用“weep”拟人，更形象动人，也与前一行奥妙押韵；至于后半节的翻译，“许译”和“程译”都大同小异。
（59）如梦令
谁伴明窗独坐？我共影儿两个。
灯尽欲眠时, 影也把人抛躲。
无那, 无那, 好个凄惶的我。
“程译”：
Tune of Rumengling(如梦令)：Helpless
Who will sit with me by the bright window?
Accompanying me now is my shadow.
When the light goes out, it will also leave me,
So helpless, so helpless, how sadly uneasy I’m on a lonely sea.
比较点评：
“许译”第一行的“me”与其它尾韵并不对应。对付“无那, 无那”，“程译”的“So helpless, so helpless”比“许译”的“What can I do？What can I do？”更符合原意和意境，“许译”无论是音意或语气都略显生硬；“程译”末了的“on a lonely sea”是一种合理的想象延伸，既故意美，也有音美，更耐人寻味。
（60）菩萨蛮
绿云鬓上飞金雀, 愁眉翠敛春烟薄。
喷鼻香阁掩芙蓉, 画屏山几重？
窗寒天欲曙, 犹结同心苣。
啼粉污罗衣, 问郎何日归？
“程译”：
Tune of Pushaman(菩萨蛮)： My Faraway Love
Quivering to fly in my hair is the gold sparrow pin,
With the brows sadly knitted in spring mist thin.
My lotus-like figure my bower’s incense smokes drown;
How many mountains on the screen run up and down?
My cold window greets the coming dawn in glee;
I still have the heart-to-heart jade torch on me.
Stain my silk robe the tears running on the face powder;
"When will you come back to me?" I ask my lover
比较点评：
对付第一句“绿云鬓上飞金雀, 愁眉翠敛春烟薄”，“许译”用的两个谓语动词“flies”和“veils”的动感很强，意境也很美。“程译”的“Quivering to fly”也很形象生动；就“画屏山几重”，“许译”的“How many hills are painted on the screen”意味较淡，“程译”的“How many mountains on the screen run up and down?”动感较强，遐想较丰富。至于“犹结同心苣”，普遍接管的理解是：同心苣我仍时时佩束在身。“许译”的解读是“Weaving a double heart, none sleeps.”，彷佛偏离了原意，而我们认为，许老的理解也不能算错，但用“a double heart”令人费解，而且含义上与“同心”背道而驰；“许译”后面的“with tear on tear”彷佛不符合英文表达。
（61）夏日绝句
生当作人杰,
去世亦为鬼雄。
至今思项羽,
不肯过江东！
“程译”：
Hero
Live a top hero;
Die a ghost knight.
Xiangyu long ago,
Stood fast for his last fight.
比较点评：
前面我们比较的都是李清照的词，这里特意加上她的《假日绝句》这首名诗。全诗仅二十个字，无堆砌之弊，以诗叫嚣，以诗年夜骂，表达了强烈的情绪。因此，英译时情绪的表达是关键所在，也最具寻衅性。“许译”可圈可点，也是浩瀚译文里的经典，但我们认为，由于过于拘泥原作的字眼和背景，许老的译文还是稍长，削弱了应有的语气、情绪和韵味。常日越简洁的语句，其情绪越强。“如果译者对原文做太多的阐明或把原来简练蕴藉的诗句译得太明白了，那留给读者的想象空间和再创造的余地就不多或没有了，因此也影响到诗的意境的通报。”（黄国文，2006）。比较之下，“程译”更为简洁，语气更强，情绪更浓，项羽巍然耸立的英雄形象跃然纸上。
参考文献：
黄国文. 翻译研究的措辞学探索 [M].上海：上外洋语教诲出版社，2006.
许钧．翻译思考录[M]．武汉：湖北教诲出版社，1998
许渊冲. 文学与翻译【M】. 北京：北京大学出版社，2003，12：399-497.
